I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
please don't ironically join a cult
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