whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
