your thong is hanging out like whoa
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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