wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
