allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
