I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
