So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize