I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
