i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Buhtt sex?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
