i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
