grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize