What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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