Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
