im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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