If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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