her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
