whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
