he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
