the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
