so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
