Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
