Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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