My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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