we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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