Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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