But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
