I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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