I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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