Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
