Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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