My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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