you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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