I'm so fucking centered right now
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
