I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
