My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
