Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
