I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
