What a fucking waste of an outfit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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