I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
