Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
