I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
