Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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