u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
