when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
