ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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