The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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