First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
