it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
