We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
