yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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