I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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