The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
