Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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