she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
