advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
