I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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