I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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