I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
