I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
