At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize