I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
