i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
