walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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