oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it penis luge time yet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
