Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
