Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
