i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
