I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
