now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
