Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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