i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
PANTIES FOUND
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize