I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
