i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
