Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
